one DAPSILOG please!!!

bored na naman ako habang nakatingen sa pc. sa makailang beses na paghahang, naisip kong wag munang mag games. naiisipan kong silipin ang resume or curriculum vitae ko. bukod sa karaniwang datos na mababasa dito tulad ng pangalan address at telepono, namamangha ako sa skills na natutunan ko...biruin mo yun, parang ang gandang basahin ng paulit ulit. makikita ko rin ang tinapos kong kurso at ang mga napagtrabahuan kong kumpanya. tapos sasagi sa isip ko, kung ang lahat ba ng ito ay tunay na mahalaga....hmm pero para saan nga ba?!?

oo kelangan ng resume para sa pag aapply ng trabaho. pero minsan maiisip ko na ang mga detalyeng nakalagay dito ay minsan kong pinag daaanan, natutunan, pero ang mahahalagang bagay na dapat pag tuunan ng pansin ay wala dito. nakasaad dito ang mga detalye na related lamang sa pagtatrabaho. makikitaan ito ng pormalidad dahil hindi mo naman isasaad duon na ayaw mo sa boss na demanding at gusto mong magkaroon ng monthly increase. wish ko lang maari iyon. ang format na gagamitin mo ay maayos, pantay lahat ng margin dahil maiisipan mong sumasalamin ito sa pagiging organize mo. naks, parang totoo.

pero kung gagawa ka ng resume ng buhay mo, ano ano kaya ang maari mong ilagay? sa palagay mo ilang pahina kaya ang mabubuo mo? ano ang magiging format mo? ilalagay mo rin ba kung anong size ng paa mo? eh ung dati mong nickname na "kirara" isisingit mo pa ba? isusulat mo rin ba na limang beses ka ng niloko ng mga ex's mo? ilalagay mo rin ba na ang hobby mo hanggang ngayon ay P.E.D.R.O.S.? o na ang favorite movie mo ay Titanic ni "Jack jack"..? ilalagay mo rin ba na ilang beses ka ng nangungupit sa nanay mo pag dating sa gastusin sa skwela? na ang beer ginagawa mong tubig? na nainlove ka sa professor mo nung highschool? na kaya ka umalis sa dati mong trabaho dahil sa kupal ang boss mo at chismoso ang mga katrabaho mo? na inuulam mo ang asukal sa kanin? isisingit mo rin ba na naiirita ka kapag namimispronounce ang name mo? na ayaw mo sa taong saksakan ng arte? na hanggang ngayon ay inlove ka pa rin sa girlfriend ng bestfriend mo? uyyy aminin.

kung ano man ang naisin mo, malaya kang isulat ito sa resume ng buhay mo. hindi mahalaga kung may format kang dapat sundin, dahil hinde ka nag aapply ng trabaho. pero magiging mahalaga ang paraan ng pamimili sa kung ano ang isusulat mo rito. dahil ang mga bagay na gusto mong wag nang ilagay pa, ay baka ang mga bagay na mapait, masaket or sadyang hindi mahalaga.

pakingshet, ala akong scanned picture, waahhhhhh!!!

one horny friday night, with my boyfriend...

eugene: ohhh sweetie, want me to go faster?
mimi: yes, yes! oh ure so fucking good!!!
eugene: uhm-uhm (pumping it so fast and giving me that thrust i never had before)
mimi: ohh baby!!!! yes! yes! yes! (movement at the double)
eugene: uhm-uhm-uhm! u like this baby?! uhm-uhm-uhm~!
mimi: yeahhhh....dont stop! ahhhh

he's such an expert on how to excite my body. his fondle drives me crazy. one thing is running in my head as we approach orgasm...all i think of is his pretty face, everything else is shadowy.

boss: have u lost ur charm? why is the deal with mr. santos not done yet?
mimi: sir, we are still negotiating with the terms. besides, if we could have offered the 15% rebates, he would have signed the proposal. we are aiming to get the 60% income out of this project and we cannot rush them.
boss: stop bullshitting me!!! get this thing settled at the end of the month. if u need to do some drastic actions just to get him sign all of these, u may do so...

i no longer hear any succeeding words he says, something is running in my mind...and i almost wished for him to vanish. a time without a pain in my neck.

i went on eugene's condo to surprise him...

eugene: so baby, what is it? (i saw a smirk on his face)
mimi: guess what babe...im delayed and i had my pregnancy test and it says positive.

i saw a bewildered face and he is now disoriented.

mimi: why babe, whats wrong?
eugene: are u kidding me!? aren't u taking ur pills?
mimi: are u mad at me?
eugene: dont u get it? what are we going to do now?! i mean this is fucking crazy, im not yet ready!!!
mimi: arent u happy we'll be parents soon? we will have this baby...right?!
eugene: yeah..but not this soon. babe, lets fix this stuff, i dont want this kind of mess. my parents must not know that im screwed!!!

hearing him said that, my ears get numb. i felt that ive fallen inlove with an asshole. a devil who wanted to take this life out of my tummy. my tears kept falling down on my cheeks.

at the dining table....

dad: dont ever let that jerk step into my house! now he is not going to be responsible!? and who do u expect to take care of u..me?!? i cannot provide enough for this family and now ure adding that little bastard?! u see, ure beginning to be like ur mom, that bitch who left us for another man!! i dont wanna see eugene's face if he has no plans of marrying u, else ill smack his face, or better yet...kill him.

i cannot utter a single word, im just waiting till his anger subsides. there's much to be said for this pregnancy...but it is painfully hurtful...if only i can stop him...for i fear that the scion in me will hear it.

now ive got no one to run to, i dont know what to feel bout myself. i have lost a fighter in me. im like continuing a lost battle. i thought i had given enough love to the ppl around me, and i expected the same kind of love...but found none...

im afraid of getting another blackout and i dont wanna surprise myself on what to come next...on what more to happen...

huh?! i can feel it...i cannot prevent it from happening again. this is scaring me! i want to run away from it..oh no, its here again...please help!!!!!


NEWS: a pregnant woman found dead near the matiwasay river. doctors tried saving the 2 month-old baby, but to no avail.

hoy gising ka pa ba? ako ayaw na naman dalawin ng antok...

nakakainis, gusto ko nang matulog pero ayaw mapagod ng mga mata ko. nauubos na rin ang mga babasahing paulit ulit ko nang binabasa, pero wa epek.

peste! lam mo ba pre, minsan gusto kong pagtakhan  kung baket sunod sunod ang kamalasan ko sa buhay. yung nagmamagaling kong boss tinanggal ako sa trabaho nung isang araw dahil pinagbibintangan akong nanguha ng automotive spare parts....tang-ina yan! ni hinde man lang ako pinagpaliwanag! if i know sila sila rin ang may kagagawan dun. tapos isa pa tong misis ko, imbes na suportahan ako, nasermunan pa ako ng di oras dahil wala na naman akong trabaho. minsan nakakapagod nang magpaliwanag, minsan ayoko ng mag-isip...pero sana sa gabing ito, makatulog na ako nang maayos. gusto ko nang kumawala sa kakaisip ng walang katapusang problemang to.

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oist, dyan ka pa ba? wag ka munang matulog, usap muna tayo...

as i watched the show, "palaban" the other night, i almost fell at my seat, hearing the interview with mr. garcillano, wherein he somewhat implied that he is running for the next 2007 election. another mockery for the opposition huh?! truth of the matter is, i dont give a damn whether that "hello garci" controversial tape was for real. even mr. garci himself doesn't want to find out by his refusal to do the voice verification.  i just hope that voters really know who to choose when electing the next set of officials. afterall, we dont neet too many garbage to run the house. (hey there is such thing as nuisance candidate right? hehe)