one DAPSILOG please!!!

last night, i had this weird dream wherein i know that im dead already, though a part of me doesnt want to let go of my physical body. whats weird about it is that i am not sad, but rather rejoicing that im finally lifeless. i am not in spirit form or whatsoever. i saw my family and relatives lamenting for me, they can still see me though. im explaining to them that its ok that i died, because i can still be with them anyways. seldom that i take note of the details of my dreams, cuz usually i forget about it. with that, for whatever reason, i get interested knowing what those details suggest, and im even surprised to know what it means.

When we dream of death, our emotions run high. Feelings of terror, anxiety or even liberation can dominate our mood upon waking. As with any other type of dream, there is no one answer for what the dream means. Generally speaking, however, dreams about death signify much needed change in our lives. Such dreams typically herald symbolic rather than literal death. In this way, death dreams let us know that some part of the self needs to be radically reworked, whether it be one's attitudes, emotions, or relationships. Though these dreams may be frightening and may linger in our minds for days, they do come to us in service, challenging us to grow and evolve. Like all dreams, the best approach to those of death is to work with them creatively, looking within to ascertain what is no longer needed in our lives, and to determine the direction in which we should proceed.

as i woke up, i dont feel anxious nor terrified, it felt something good, as if im about to liberate myself from the unknown, and its very timely because right now im in the middle of something, ive been running around all this time. finally, what a relief to know that i should be facing this change in my life. 

death does not always denote a horrific thing. it could be my hope to rejuvenate and be back to whoever i am, to whoever i was.

oo alam kong nasa stage ako ng pagaadjust sa bago kong environment, but im in the "reklamo & angal" mood right now. i tend to practice this thingy talaga whenever im submerged into something. its too obvious that i have to learn a lot of stuff since bago saken tong ginagalawan ko, ang masaket pa nun ang taas ng expectation sa sobrang taas, gusto ko ng malula. in fairness to my mentor, ok naman ung methodology nya eh, its just that a part of my brain is opposing it. there is always something new to surprise me. but come to think of it, pare pareho lang naman, ang adjustment ay bahagi talaga ng pangangapa at pagkatuto sa isang bagay na ngayon mo pa lang tutuklasin. pero teka, kung ang adjustment ay natural na bagay, san ba talaga ako naninibago?

ahh alam ko na, if its not the environment that is causing me reacting this way, then maybe its the people around me. dangan kase, when i jump to this place, i expected everyone to be professional, mature ika nga dahil mga veterans na. but in a way, meron pa ring mga nosy, immature with some freaking attitude. alam mo ung tipong, may kasama ka sa training na magsyota, at dahil nag break sila, eh nadidisturb nila ung buong training atmosphere. yup dali mo, so im sure u know now, why ako nabababawan at naninibago sa mga ganung pagkakataon, siguro kase hinde ko ineexpect, siguro inasahan ko lang na magiging professional ang approach ng bawat isa. besides, un naman dapat ang mangyari dahil opisina nga iyon. so dahil nga sa mga kakaibang kinikilos ng tao sa paligid, andyan ang mga walang humpay na chismis, kesyo ganto ganyan, pati tuloy ako na ayaw sanang sumawsaw sa problema ng may problema eh nakukwentuhan, nasasabihan at tuloy napapaisip paminsan minsan. hinde ko pa naman tipo ang makelam sa iba dahil ayoko rin ng ang buhay ko ang pinapakelaman. i think personal issues must be handled personally (tama naman diba?) at hinde na dapat pang ibroadcast sa ibang tao na 3 weeks mo pa lang nakikilala. what the hell, ano ba ang pake nila sa reason ng breakup nyo. well maybe, they need an outlet, ok sige na nga, pagbibigyan ko na. at tila ba gusto kong matawa pero meron din naman akong naeencounter na kapwa trainees who are so unbelievable. imagine, bawat banggitin ng trainer namen is nakakrelate sya, abah kakaiba un, and mind u, even senator bong revilla daw is calling him sa bahay para lang pahintuin sya sa pagpoproduce ng mga pekeng DVDs nila dahil aminado syang financier sya ng pamimirata ng DVD. wow astig, khit mejo gangster ang dating ahahha! talagang u meet different people UNEXPECTEDLY!

ok, segue na ako dahil nagpanggabi ako, feeling ko naging biktima ako ng pagdadamot sa mga palabas na dapat kong sundan. oo may mga gusto sana akong abangan kaso night time naman ang slot, kaya nga para makabawi ako eto at pinipilit kong manood ng mga dvd movies whenever i get home, isa sa mga pinupuntirya ko ay ang classic movie na the Godfather kung saan si Al Pacino ay fafable pa, uumpisahan ko to sa weekend at malamang matapos ko rin bago ako bumalik ng trabaho, hehehe.

isa rin sa mga ginagawa ko as of now is playing Monster Hunter, its an RPG game in which u need to fulfill quests, adventure type of game and ilan lang to sa mga role playing game na sinusubukan kong isama sa lifestyle ko, hehe mejo starter pa lang kase ako pagdating sa RPGs eh. so siguro yan muna for now, mejo natagalan na rin akong dalawin tong bahay ko. syempre nagbubusy busyhan ako.

ive been watching Chris Angel in youtube with all of the tricks he made on his MindFreak show. some tricks, i find it similar with David Blaine's street magic. sa lahat ng tricks, dito ako naamaze, watch it:

also, were currently reviewing some stuffs we already know and unlearning the old bad tricks we have by going through the softskills. for whatever reason im not totally excited or maybe it came a little too late. so far, i met new found buddies and its good that ill be sticking with them for 3 weeks, but these weeks would be the HARDCORE times. also, its good that ill be surrounded by gals who are also playing their PSP, u know sharing best games and tips, hehhe.

lastly, i discovered na hinde na nga ako sanay mag night shift, kase nakakatulog ako sa training. hahah!